


Kaito's Partners Stole His Hair Gel

by Millixi77



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Multi, god what am i doing with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Millixi77/pseuds/Millixi77
Summary: And they went to desperate measures to hide it, too.





	1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

Maki Harukawa felt like she was on fire. 

It was a stupid feeling, but it was one that had draped itself over her like the Grim Reaper’s hood covered his face as soon as she’d heard Kaito leave the shower and head for his room.

He’d set the plan into motion without even realizing it. 

She anticipated chaos. The worst part was that she couldn’t just silently eye to party that caused it, mentally gloating over the fact that it would serve them right, for trying that sort of nonsense. Oh, no. This time, she was part of the people who had decided to cause chaos.

She, and three out of the four parties in her relationship, that is.

She should have known better than to go along with a plan that had been concocted by Kokichi, but this particular plan had been… it had been an irresistible opportunity. 

And now, they had all gone silent, as if waiting for a bomb to drop. Looking up from her coffee, she looked. Shuuichi, like herself, was sitting on a chair in the kitchen. Unlike her, however, he looked like a deer in the headlights, barely breathing, waiting for the inevitable almost as tensely as she was. The coffee he had been drinking laid abandoned on the table.

She was holding her own cup of coffee as if it was a lifeline.

Kaede looked slightly more relaxed, and even a little excited as she looked towards Kaito’s room, sitting on the kitchen countertop. Her easygoing nature was doing well for her here; it was times like this that Maki wished that she had it. 

Kokichi, the little gremlin who had thought up the plan in the first place, looked everything but nervous. As the seconds on the clock ticked by, it seemed like his grin grew even wider. He was sitting on a couch in the living room close to the kitchen, and leaning forwards like a child eagerly waiting for a piece of candy.

They were all waiting for it. Waiting for the moment of truth.

Her heart pounded in her chest, and even as she felt the color drain from her face, she felt her ears grow warm. The pit of her stomach felt icy, despite the fact that a mere minute ago, she’d been drinking coffee that had been near-scaldingly hot in an effort to chase away the nervousness.

It was so silent in the apartment that you could hear a pin drop.

Had Kaito… not noticed, somehow? She toyed with the thought. That was doubtful. Maybe he was still looking for it. If he lost the one he kept on his dresser, he usually had two or three more containers of it in a box in the corner of his room.

A box which they had raided, along with his dresser.

She wasn’t new to danger, but right now, she felt like making the rookie’s mistake of gulping, or shivering. She couldn’t. She had faced worse danger before and spat in its face. She would survive this.

She would survive.

The seconds seemed to tick by even faster as her sharp hearing picked up a distinct lack of movement in Kaito’s room. 

He had noticed. She was sure of it.

The ice in her stomach spread to her chest as she heard the slow, deliberate movements of someone coming to a conclusion that they didn’t like. The sound of Kaito’s door opening almost made her bolt for the door.

Judgement was coming, and it would be coming swiftly…

“Who took my hair gel?”

The question shot through the air like a bullet, and if Maki felt like she’d been drenched in a bucket of ice-cold water. 

She was unable to suppress the shiver this time.

“What do you mean?” Kokichi’s sugary sweet voice seemed to careen through the suddenly cold air. Whether it was meant to deflect Kaito’s question entirely or lead him on a wild goose chase, she couldn’t say.

“I mean, I can’t find my hair gel. At all. The entire package just disappeared from my room.” Kaito sounded confused, but not angry. Maybe he hadn’t fully put two and two together…?

“Might wanna look harder, then!” Kokichi chirped, bouncing off the couch like a child on a trampoline. “I haven’t seen it!”

That sentence ran straight at Maki like a red-hot knife. Of course, she knew that he was doing it to deflect suspicion, but she couldn’t help but feel afraid that he was going to leave everyone else out to dry.

Then she heard someone gulp.

She looked up, to see Shuuichi sweating as if he was running a marathon. She couldn’t exactly assuage his fears, seeing as she shared them herself, but she could do one thing. She carefully removed one of her hands from her coffee cup, her muscles sighing in relief at being allowed to relax from the death grip she had been keeping on the small enamel mug.

She carefully raised her hand to her mouth and mimed zipping it shut. Kokichi would handle this first round of interrogation, and they couldn’t crack too early on in this mission. They had to keep their facade of innocence for as long as they possibly could before finally giving up.

Shuuichi nodded, still looking tense, but a little less so. He looked back towards the direction of the living room, and she turned her attention back to the conversation that was taking place.

“Are you sure?” Kaito’s question sent her brain dissolving into what seemed like a froth of carbonated bubbles. 

This wasn’t even something major or life-threatening, yet it seized her with so much terror that she felt her hand instinctively fold itself into a fist.

Kaito couldn’t find out that they’d stolen his hair gel. Not now, not this early!

He couldn’t. That would mean three days of preparation had been for naught, and that her insides were twisting with fear without cause.

“I’m perfectly sure!” Kokichi was taking one for the team by doing this. She’d have cracked under pressure by now; she had been trained for covert espionage, meant only for behind-the-scenes work. She really, really had to thank him for this…

“But where could it have gone, then?” It seemed like Kaito had been successfully derailed from thinking that there could be a culprit. “I normally don’t lose things this easily…”

“It’s alright. Sometimes we have our off days, and things just happen out of nowhere,” Kokichi said. “I could help you look for it, if you want.” Blatant deception mixed with sincere advice. God, he was he able to manage things like that?

“Nah. I can go without my hair gel for one day.” Was… was it coming so easily? The goal of their mission sounded as if it was being delivered to them on a silver platter, amd Maki could only stare fathomlessly. Could it really be that easy? 

“Besides,” Kaito added, “I can just buy some more.”

Maki swore she heard something break as her eyes widened further than she’d thought was possible.

“Maybe you could get to that later?” Kokichi said. Absolutely no one wanted their work to be in vain in this situation, not at all. “And get dressed while you’re at it? You do look good shirtless, but I’m not sure that could fit well in today’s schedule.”

Suddenly, Maki wished she hadn’t holed herself up in the kitchen.

“Oh, really funny. But do you know where Maki, Shuuichi and Kaede are?” 

Maki felt as if a wall of hot steam had risen to smack her in the face. Instinctively, she looked up, and she saw that both Shuuichi and Kaede looked panicked. God, no. Please don’t let him come here. Even Kaede’s veneer of excitement had cracked, and she, too, held a look of fear on her face.

One look at all of them, and the jig would be up. In spite of herself, Maki felt sweat start to bead on her brow. Kaede was holding onto the countertop as if for dear life now, and Shuuichi looked as if he wanted to run far, far away from all of this.

How would Kokichi be able to spin this and still keep Kaito in the dark of what they had done?

“I haven’t seen them today.” Yet again, she marvelled at how easily he seemed to be able to concoct those lles. “Maybe they went out for a walk earlier?” At the very least, they would be temporarily off the hook. Though it would be hard to get into a pleasant mood after this.

“Okay.” She heard Kaito walking back to his room, feeling as if her ears were on fire. Only when his door shut, did relief wash over her like a warm blanket getting dropped over her. She couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her as she finally, finally got the strength eo safely put her mug down onto the table. Near her, she heard Kaede and Shuuichi’s sighs of relief.

“That went well.” She froze for a split second before whirling around and coming face-to-face with Kokichi. 

She sucked in a breath, trying to calm down her racing heart. She nodded, not trusting her voice to give out on her. 

For some reason, this had been one of the most stressful things she’d done in a while, despite routinely used to doing worse. At the very least, the mission had not been compromised, and its objective had been safely achieved.

The mission had been achieved, so they could rest easy for a little bit. 

“But… there's a problem,” Shuuichi said. “You said we'd gone out, but we're still in the house. We can't open the front door without making noise…”

Maki looked at him, her lips curling into a thin smile. “He won't hear a thing if we go out of the window. It's a short enough drop that there's no risk of injuries.”

He paled. 

“We have no other choice, you know.”

“The things we do to see our boyfriend with his hair down for a change, he said, sighing and slumping back in his seat a bit. “I'm starting to wonder if this was worth it.”

“It will be, once every single container of hair gel he buys mysteriously disappears from the apartment,” Kokichi said. 

Kaede looked a little startled. “Wouldn't that be a little bit excessive?”

“Have you seen the way he applies the stuff? We're doing a favor to both him and his hair by this point, you know!”

“I'm not too sure about that…”

“We might want to become more sure about our opinions when we've gotten outside,” Maki said. “Kaito usually takes a long time to get ready, but without his hair gel, we don't have much time.”

“Uh oh.”

“No worries! I'll keep him occupied for a little more time,” Kokichi said. Then he paused slightly. “Though you might want to hurry up…”

Maki nodded, and stood up first. She went to the kitchen window, and opened it. A gentle breeze gently kissed her slightly sweat brow. She looked out, scanning the surroundings. Nobody seemed to be out and about right now, and all she could hear was the rustling of leaves. She had to admit to herself that it was far from a thorough check, but they were cutting time close as it was. 

She tuned back to Shuuichi and Kaede. Both of them looked a bit nervous, but they knew that there wasn't really any other option they could take. They nodded. 

She stood back from the window a bit, and gestured for them to come forward. “I'll have to help you get through as safely as possible.”

It wouldn't be the first time that Maki would have to help someone get out through a window, and she suspected that it might not be the last. In any case, both Shuuichi and Kaede seemed a bit relieved after she'd told them that. 


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Kaede Akamatsu felt as if she'd been taken on a trip to a realm that was slightly different from the real world, while still looking exactly like it. She couldn't really explain the feeling; all she knew was that her brain felt like mush and that all she wanted to do was continue relaxing with her partners. 

If anyone had asked Kaede Akamatsu the previous week what she'd envisioned for the following Saturday, stealing one of her boyfriend's hair gel, jumping out of a window and buying groceries - in that order - would not have been what she would have said. In fact, if someone had told her that she would end up doing that, she would have told them that she simply couldn't even imagine herself doing that. 

And yet look what had happened. 

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling of her room. Their efforts had definitely borne fruit, though. Seeing Kaito with his hair down was really a sight for sore eyes, and she was determined to make it last as long as possible, potential window-escapes be  _ damned _ .

She couldn’t help but snicker a little at the memory. It seemed so long ago, but it had happened only this morning. She’d felt both terrified and thrilled throughout Kaito and Kokichi’s conversation, and she’d thanked all of the gods who were above that the apartment had been constructed in a way that the living room and the kitchen were had been made in a way that made it impossible for a person to see inside from either room, unless they opened the door.

Said door had been closed throughout the entire conversation, and that had just added to the spike in her adrenaline levels. It was almost comical, how much panic could flow through your system as soon as you couldn’t see the thing that you were listening to, especially when Kokichi had managed to save their eavesdropping asses.

Going out of the actual window had been an experience. How and why Maki and Kokichi seemed so skilled at the art of fleeing through windows was a tale that she was interested in hearing, but at the time, the only thing she’d been able to think about was how thankful she was that she hadn’t been wearing a skirt.

It had been terrifying, and more than just a little bit of adrenaline had rushed through her system at the short drop. She’d managed to land without any issues, but Shuuichi had been a bit more nervous about going through the window. Not that she could actually blame him, really.

When she’d watched how seamlessly Maki had jumped through the window, her own skirt be damned, Kaede had to admit that she’d experienced a strange mix of pride, fear and envy. Maki had been so graceful…

She shook her head in an attempt to dispel the heat from her cheeks, but it stubbornly remained on her face.

After the adrenaline rush of the escape had worn off, they’d actually gone for a walk to clear their heads. It had been more than just a little uncoordinated, seeing just how discombobulated she and Shuuichi had been. Luckily, a nice, medium-length walk through the park helped to soother their jumbled nerves.

It was lucky that Maki had made them prepare ahead in case they’d actually needed to make a break for it. Between her and Kokichi, they’d been covered at least twenty times over with contingency plans. 

Around eleven in the morning, they’d finally decided to go home, but not before Shuuichi had piped up about the fact that they  _ might  _ need a coverup for why they’d been out walking so long. 

Maki suggested that they buy some groceries as well. It wouldn’t make an airtight excuse, but “we took a long walk and remembered to get groceries at the last minute” was better than “we stole your hair gel and were absolute and utter cowards and thus were too afraid to fess up and instead made an elaborate plan that damn near failed us as well as nearly gave us heart attacks,” wasn’t it?

It had to be.

Thus, they’d come home with that excuse, and it had  _ worked.  _ Kaede had wanted to immediately go and take a nice, long nap, but Kokichi had managed to bring everyone together by bringing out the video game console and taunting everyone that he’d be able to beat them at - horror of horrors - Mario Kart.

That had been a situation and a half, really. As soon as the intense, hours-long matches had ended, she’d gone to her room, exhausted. 

So here she was, going over the events of the day and wondering just how in the hell they had even happened in the first place. She turned onto her side, staring at her bedside table. She’d flipped the alarm upside-down in her panic to wake up and put the plan into action earlier in the morning, so the glowing red numbers could not mock her with how long she had spent recuperating form exhaustion she’d brought onto her own head.

She could see her phone, face-down and charging, a few pencils scattered about and a few sheets of paper she’d been scribbling something down on earlier. Had it been a new recipe she’d been thinking of trying out, or a few notes for a song she’d wanted to try and compose? 

She couldn’t remember which, but she was sure it was one of the two. Whatever the case, it made her feel reassured that, yes, there was still some semblance of normalcy present in the world today.

Now, if only she could use this temporary state of calm to remember what had pushed them all to do this…?

It had all started last week, if she remembered correctly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede recalls the morning where the first spark of inspiration for their fateful plan had been ignited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance. The crack and stupidity is rather high in this chapter, and possibly a little bit of OOC behavior. My characterization isn't too good at the best of times, but I think I got a teensy bit unhinged there.
> 
> Beyond that, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**CHAPTER THREE**

She remembered clearly that it had been a Thursday. 

It had been a very lazy, quiet and slow sort of Thursday. The previous weeks had been completely and thoroughly exhausting, and in honor of that, they all decided to take their sweet, sweet time to actually savor each other's company. 

It had been a day of sweatshirts and sweatpants, and stealing clothes from Kaito. 

He'd started to smell a lot better after they'd forced him to stop spraying Axe all over himself as if the world would end if all of the pores on his body weren't constantly oozing the smell of the abrasive sneeze-inducing, eye-watering stuff. 

It had taken a lot of pleading, a lot of slides how's and diagrams, the tiniest bit of blackmail, some threats of physical force, and around a month and a half. 

And in the end, Kaito agreed, only if Shuuichi lightened up on wearing his hat so often. 

(She, Kokichi and Maki had jumped for joy when that had happened. Kaito smelling nice? All of them getting to see Shuuichi's pretty eyes and devastating eyelashes more often?) 

(At that particular moment, Kaede had almost died and ascended straight to heaven.)

So there they were, herself Shuuichi, Kokichi and Maki, chilling in the kitchen, and feeling generally happy and pleased with themselves. 

Kokichi was sitting on the counter, nursing his tea while getting to the end of telling a story about one of his many, many close calls. He'd stolen one of Kaito's shirts, and that seemed to be the only thing he was wearing. 

He was small enough that it actually worked. Although, practically everyone was small enough that they could wear Kaito's clothes without issue, Kokichi always seemed to look downright adorable when he did it. 

It was so easy to almost forget that when he put his mind to it, he could be one of the most troublesome little gremlins in existence. 

She’d been wearing a loose pink T-shirt and black sweatpants, with fuzzy pink slippers. Shuuichi had been wearing a simple black T-shirt and white shorts, while Maki had been wearing a red tank top and short-shorts.

They’d all been gathered in the kitchen that fateful day, and now, looking back, it was rather odd that they ended up in the kitchen so much. 

Whatever the case, the story Kokichi was been telling had been so hilarious, so utterly absurd, and so ridiculous that she'd been laughing so hard that she almost fell out of her chair. Her apple juice had been long gone, and it was a good thing, too. If it was still here, she'd be struggling not to choke on it between bouts of near-hysterical laughter. 

She could feel her ahoge bouncing around wildly in amusement, reflecting her own feelings. 

Maki was just staring at Kokichi as if he was dome form of dangerous enigma that she couldn't figure out what to do with, her coffee long-forgotten on the counter. 

Shuuichi's ahoge was alternating between standing up as if an electric shock had run through it, and waving around wildly in panic. Shuuichi himself looked as if he both wanted to scream at Kokichi and hug him so hard that he wouldn't be able to move for a while. 

Kokichi himself looked like the cat that had got the cream. 

“And  _ then,  _ just when they thought it was all over, they opened the door--”

“And?  _ And?! _ ” Hsed been hysterical, barely able to stay in her seat from the sheer force of her laughter 

“--and got dunked on with a bucket of whipped cream!”

That did it. She fell onto the floor, and began practically rolling around in her mirth. 

Kokichi's main modus operandi may not have been pranks, but, God, when he decided to pull a prank in someone, he went and above and beyond anyone's wildest expectations. 

As she was busy laughing, Maki was shaking her head in disbelief.

“Whipped cream?” Maki asked. “Just how much whipped cream did you buy in advance if you managed to fill an entire bucket with it?”

Kokichi's trademark cheshire cat smile took over his face. “ **Bold** of you to assume I  _ bought _ it! I have my ways, and let me tell you, simply  _ buying  _ things isn’t always my go-to option!”

“Oh my God, Kokichi,” Shuuichi groaned, looking and sounding as if he'd been dragged through a puddle of water. “Don’t tell me you  _ stole _ it or something?”

“And if I did, Mister Detective? Whatcha gonna do? Arrest me?”

“Bad idea,” Maki interjected. “As long as you’re the one putting him in jail, he’ll enjoy it.”

“Hey: I think you’re mistaking  _ me _ for your-kinky-self!”

“Hey! Do you  _ want _ to die?” 

“Depends on how!”

“Oh, come on, you two,  _ please _ stop!”

“Or else  _ what,  _ Mister Detective?” Kokichi's playful teasing continued, as his curly hair seemed to bounce cheekily, as if it was alive, like a little nest of wispy ahoges. 

(It was adorably mischievous.) 

At that, Shuuichi promptly gave up, choosing to slump further into his chair. His ahoge drooped accordingly. “Mmf…” 

Although they’d been able to get along better in recent times, Kokichi and Maki still semi-regularly butted heads. Unlike before, any and all death threats were made in jest, and there was no genuine malice on either side.

Personally, Kaede figured that they were just a teensy-weensy bit high-strung. Whatever the case, it usually gave way to interesting arguments.

However, it might be best for the argument to calm down before they managed to disturb the rest of the apartment building. She sighed, finally feeling the last of the hysteria subside.

“Come on, you guys. Tone it down a little, please? We don’t want the neighbors to start complaining about noise levels again.”

“ _ Again? _ This time and last time are two completely different occasions! Besides, the only reason they heard was that--”

“ _ Finish _ that sentence. I dare you!”

“Awww! Is Maki afraid of the truth?”

Maki inhaled deeply, definitely about to start delivering a long lecture, before her attention was diverted by something at the kitchen entrance. 

Everyone else, including Kaede herself, turned to look at the door as well, and what they all saw metaphorically bowled them over. 

Look. 

Absolutely no one was in the mood to go out, or do anything remotely strenuous that day. 

Everyone's hair was both metaphorically and literally let down, with her own treble clef hairclips being absent and Maki’s dark brown hair loosely flowing down her back. Even Kokichi's and Shuuichi's hair seemed a bit more relaxed and reactive today. 

So why had Kaito just walked in with a full head of hair gel? 

The discussion on in the kitchen went deathly silent as Kaito walked in, looking a little tired. 

No one dared to move a muscle as Kaito blearily started making coffee for himself. 

It was around then that she realized that, yes, she could count the number of times she'd seem Kaito without his ever-present hair gel on one hand. 

Even in days when they didn't have anything in particular planned, his hair was almost always done in its gravity-defying style. It was iconic, fascinating, and at that moment, setting off a spark of irritation that blossomed into a small fire of confusion. 

_ How? Why? This doesn't make any sense!  _

Her mind was swirling with those questions and more, and she could instinctively  _ feel  _ that she wasn't the only person in the room was feeling the same way. 

Wordlessly, she, Shuuichi’s, Maki’s and Kokichi's gazes met. 

The atmosphere in the mood had changed, and Kaede felt the shift almost instinctively. It was indescribable, but strong, and Kaede felt her heart speed up as her instincts put the pieces together. 

They would be making a  _ plan _ later, and when they  _ did-- _

“Um, guys? Why is Kaede on the floor, and why are you guys staring as if you're trying to plan something?” Kaito asked, sounding as if he was shaking away the last tendrils of sleep from his consciousness. 

Kaede jolted, and the atmosphere shifted so quickly she almost got whiplash. 

“I… I fell from my chair!” she said, scrambling to get up and back into her chair. “Kokichi was telling a funny story earlier…”

“Excuse you! That was a real-life experience!” Kokichi's playfully indignant tone made Kaede's embarrassment kuft slightly. 

“It was still funny!”

“And worrying,” Shuuichi said, sounding like exhaustion had slammed itself onto him yet again. 

“What did he do?” Kaito asked, sounding a little amused. 

“He stole enough whipped cream to fill an entire bucket and dumped it over someone's head,” Maki said, a deadpan expression on her face. 

_ “What _ ?”

And from that, came the retelling of the fantastical tale, which, once again, had Kaede fall out of her seat. Luckily, it seemed like Kaito hadn't read too much into what had happened earlier, so their little potential scheme had been safe. 

It had taken until the next day for them to finally start plotting. And when they'd started, things had snowballed, and before they'd known it, their plan had blown up into a medium-level heist. 

It had been ridiculous. It had been mildly terrifying as well.

But above all, it had been spectacular.

Simply recalling the planning process and the execution sent Kaede’s heart racing. It really had been a spectacular experience.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhaustion and chatroom madness. Featuring:
> 
> Aggressive flirting courtesy of Maki and Kokichi  
> Exhaustion and salt courtesy of Kaede  
> Tired misery courtesy of Shuuichi
> 
> And a possibly aborted planning session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Their planning had begun the next day, around five AM.

How come?

The reason why they had done that was becaus the only way they would be able to pull off something like this would be to either collectively wake up earlier or later than Kaito. If they chose the latter option, it would make it more obvious that they were trying to pull something, or make him excessively worried about them.

Nobody wanted to do that.

In addition, absolutely no one wanted something as serious as this to be busted before they could put anything into action. 

That led directly into the second phase of their logical planning. Instead of meeting up in person, like what they had done in the kitchen the day before, they were going to use Discord. That way, they could formulate an excuse for their actions more efficiently.

(Or, most likely, they would end up tossing the phone dramatically across the room while hurriedly pretending to sleep like children afraid that their parents would take away their phones after they were discovered playing Subway Surfers at the ungodly hours of the morning.)

(Or Candy Crush. Or some other caah-grabbing games that the aforementioned children had stolen their parent's credit card numbers for.)

(Whatever the metaphor was, they'd be hiding like children afraid of how severely their parents would ground them when they found out what they were doing.)

(Wait a minute, wouldn't that mean that they would get caught? She definitely hoped not.)

To put it into perspective, which would be more suspicious? Seeing four people gathered in the kitchen and talking about something, or having each of them in their separate room coincidentally using their phones? 

The first one could  _ sometimes _ happen by coincidence, but it was  _ usually _ something that was premeditated. The second one, in this day and age of technology, was something that could easily be handwaved as something innocuous, or as simply an odd coincidence.

Not only that, but they could also switch apps quickly enough to avoid suspicion. It was a win-win situation.

However, at this point, Kaede didn’t know whether this had been in a good idea or an awful one. She had forgotten how quickly things could go completely off the rails in chat rooms.

Especially ones that contained both Kokichi and Maki. Bless their hearts, their relationship had improved with time, but the formerly genuinely antagonistic undertones had turned into playful ones.

However,  _ their _ idea of “playful” usually translated to “oh fuck do they truly mean what their saying or not” or “fucking hell, when will they  _ stop _ ” depending on their moods. Sometimes, however, both moods would combine and cause a complete and utter mind screw for all onlookers.

This was one of those heavily accursed times.

This, combined with the ungodly hour in the morning at which they had decided to do this, was something that was making her regret this experience immensely.

…---... 

**panta5000** : whats the problem, maki? You S C A R E D of admitting it?

**harumaki** : i will find you, and i will kill you in your fucking sleep

**panta5000** : we live in the same apartment remember? that doesn’t scare anyone anymore~

**harumaki** : that makes it easier for me to kill you, you know

**panta5000** : you love me too much to kill me, you know! :heart:

**harumaki** : damn you

**tired detective** : Can we get back on track? Please, you guys?

**panta5000** : w e l l…  _ maaaaaaybe _ !

**tired detective** : That doesn’t sound very reassuring at all

**panta5000** : it wasnt meant to be! :3

**tired detective** : That somehow sounds worse...

**piano freak** : we’re supposed to be planning how we’re going to get Kaito’s hair gel away from him, not arguing amongst ourselves because two people have one of the most ridiculous ways of flirting that the world has ever seen.

**panta5000** : o o f, do you not have SYMPATHY, kaede? Where did all this SALT come from

**harumaki** : what did you just say

**piano freak** : the truth 

**panta5000** : YOU  **_W O U N D_ ** ME, KAEDE!

**panta5000** :  _ w o u n d _ me, im telling you!

**tired detective** : How is there so much salt in this chat in the morning, oh my god.

**harumaki** : honestly? I have no idea. I thought that humans were made up of 65% water, not 65% salt

**piano freak** : im not a morning person

**tired detective** : That’s an understatement.

**panta5000** : thats for sure

**piano freak** : are we going to plan how we’re going to steal kaitos hair gel or not

**tired detective** : Do we actually have a choice here?

**piano freak** : no

**piano freak** : also how are you typing with perfect spelling and punctuation at 5 in the morning

**tired detective** : I’m used to waking up early.

**harumaki** : as am i, yet i dont bother with it

**tired detective** : That is simply because you don’t have any fucks left to give when it comes to those things.

**harumaki** : is that meant as an insult or a statement of fact 

**tired detective** : It's all up to your interpretation.

**panta5000** : OwO??? letting an assassin interpret delicate things like that could result in your swift death, shuu! be careful with dangerous things like that, uwu

**harumaki** : are you legitimately forcing us to look at OwO speak at this ungodly hour of the morning

**panta5000** : I dowon't knowow what youw awe tawkin abowout, OwO!

**tired detective** : Yes, he is forcing us to read this abomination before 8 AM in the morning.

**panta5000** : youw aww wowounding me, OwO! :’(

**piano freak** : maki please kill me i wont be able to survive this fucking madness

**panta5000** : aww, why dowo youw want to die, Kaede? dowon't yowou wove me, OwO???

**harumaki** : bold of you to asume I'll survive long enough to be able to kill you

**panta5000** : what's the pwobwem, uwu? wost youwe wiww to wive, OwO?

**tired detective** : I feel my life force slipping away as I read those cursed sentences.

**piano freak** : this was a bad fucking idea, wasn't it?

**panta5000** : nowo it wasn't!

**tired detective** : It was.

**harumaki** : it was

**piano freak** : fuck. it's gonna be a fucking long morning then

**panta5000** : >;3

**tired detective** : That singular text emoji feels as if it is destroying my soul.

…---...

Kaede felt as if she was holding the mythical eighth circle of hell in her hand, compressed into the screen of a smartphone.

She felt her humanity vacate her body as Maki and Shuuichi floundered around, trying to get everything back on track, and failing woefully. She herself already knew that any efforts she tried would be futile,so all she could bring herself to do was stare at the phone screen as though she was possessed.

At this rate, it would take hours until they actually got to the intended purpose of this hastily-created group chat.

She might as well  _ try  _ and get some sleep, then… and mute her phone while she was at it, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the OwO speak cursed enough?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Discord chaos. The plan is put in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story isn't dead, and my humor is probably ridiculous. i apologize in advance, oof.
> 
> Also, a problem cropped up when uploading this chapter. The list that's seen in this story was originally made in a numbered list, as in '1', 'a' and lowercase roman numerals. Then I copy-pasted it from Google Docs to Ao3.
> 
> Holy fucking shit.
> 
> Every part of that list that I had made by tabbing, i.e. 'a' and lowercase roman numerals, turned to '1' and '2' and so on. And after turning it to the bullet format, I found that I couldn't just backspace the excess bullets that crop up when I tried to spaceit out better. So the entire thing looks a bit stretched out, and I apologize.
> 
> tl;dr, formatting issues with the list is what makes this chapter looks stretched out at that part.

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Kaede was half-convinced that the plan would be a disaster.

The other half was attempting to deny the events which had transpired earlier this morning.

Both halves of her mind were failing miserably, since she was still enacting her part of the plan. Luckily, her part was the simplest one of them all.

(It had taken a lot of bargaining and outright begging to stop Kokichi from escalating the stakes higher than they already were. She was half convinced that he'd done that purely to try and derail the chat again.)

(That wasn't even the worst part, however. The worst part that he, honest to God, used OwO-speak while doing that. Kaede's brain felt as if it was melting as she struggled to process what the hell Kokichi had been trying to say, especially when the w’s seemed to be strewn around with no rhyme or reason, getting tacked on everywhere they possibly could. The words he typed became so difficult to translate that there had been times where Kaede had been unsure if he was actually typing in English.

To put it bluntly, it was a dumpster fire that made her feel as if she had been awake for twelve hours instead of two. One of those had been spent recovering from the attack of the OwO-speak, while the first three had been the actual terror.

The had made a simple, safe plan which was rather short and sweet when everything was stripped to its bare essentials:

  * They would all get out of their rooms at different times.



    * Kaito usually got up around seven AM.



    * Kaede would “wake up” and join him looking completely and utterly dead inside around eight AM.



      * That appearance can usually be explained with staying up late looking at cryptic memes.



      * This was not a lie because Kokichi could be oddly cryptic at times, and the way he acted at times could easily be made into some sort of surreal meme.



      * Then again, some of everyone’s actions could only be explained by that.



      * However, Kokichi’s behavior aligned with that comparison most of the time. Ergo, truth.



  * After she’d “gotten up” and struck up a mildly engaging conversation with Kaito, the next phase of the plan would get put into action.



  * Said plan was that Kokichi and Maki would break in, or rather, sneak into Kaito’s room and swiftly pack all of Kaito’s hair gel containers into an opaque plastic bag.



    * Yes, multiple.



    * Kaito… probably brought a lot of hair gel.



      * It was needed to maintain his hairstyle. Kaede could acknowledge that.



      * However, it simply wasn’t practical.



      * At one point in the chat, they had gone on a mild tangent centered around guessing how much time it took Kaito to apply the hair gel daily.



      * They’d decided on fifteen minutes.



  * While they were ransacking, or more politely, clearing out Kaito’s room for the offending items, Shuuichi would come down, looking significantly less disheveled than Kaede did.



  * Extra conversation would ensue, and they would have to hope and pray that they were able to act naturally.



  * During this, Maki and Kokichi would somehow manage to sneak the room from Kokichi’s to Maki’s, and from there, they would see how to get rid of them.



    * They’d unanimously decided that throwing it out would be needlessly wasteful.



    * However, no one was sure what to do with it.



    * The ultimate decision had been to see if they could sell it on eBay or something similar.



  * After the gel had been safely hidden, they’d come down and blend in. The hair gel would be properly dealt with later that day, or within the week.



It was hastily-made.

It had a high chance of failing.

It had been a series of impulsive decisions made early in the morning, which meant that they were probably overlooking a lot of important details.

However, there was nothing that they could do about that now.

The plan had been finalized, and Kaede was currently staring at the door of her room, her hands slack at her side and her mind slowly trying to understand that yes, she was about to do this, and yes, she had no choice.

She would never again agree to make plans at five AM.

It was a bad decision that she never wanted to repeat ever again in her life.

The result of this had better be worth it, or she would really, really dislike herself for a good while after that.

She inhaled deeply, exhaled, opened the door and walked into the living room as fast as she could without looking like a marionette being dragged by a sloppy puppetmaster. She knew that she definitely looked her assigned part: her hair was messy, she felt exhausted and she felt mildly dead inside thanks to all the nonsense that had gone down in the chat.

Authenticity? Check.

Kaito was relaxing on the couch, looking at something on his phone. There was a fifty-fifty chance that it was Twitter or some astronomy website. In other words, typical Kaito behavior.

At least someone was doing something normal today.

“Hi, Kaito,” she said.

“Hi, Kaede,” Kaito said. He turned to look at her, and his eyes widened slightly. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Now really.” she smiled dryly. “Looking at cursed memes late at night kind of did a number on me.”

“Which ones?”

“Not sure you’d want to know.”

“You do look kind of haunted, so…“

“I’m scarred for life, yes,” she said, moving to sit next to him. “Memes are both the sustenance and bane of this generation.”

“Are you sure you feeel okay?” he seemed a little worried.

“I’m fine.” She didn’t bother stifling the yawn that crept up her throat. “Maybe if I take a nap or drink some coffee, I’ll feel better.” she scooted closer to him, resting her head on his chest. Only moments later, his arms surrounded her and pulled her into an embrace.

She sighed, snuggling into him. “You feel really warm and comfortable…”

“You’re just sleepy.”

“It’s true, you know.”

“I never said it wasn’t.”

“You were thinking it!”

“Why do you think so?”

“I’ve known you long enough that I can pick out nonverbal cues and can lowkey predict things you could be thinking.”

“But how do you know you’re right?”

She turned to look at him. “Bols of you to assume I can be incorrect.”

They stared at each other or a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

From there, their conversation meandered into general, fluffy conversation. Time seemed to evaporate into nothing as they talked, their conversation wandering over several different topics. It was a nice, relaxing conversation.

It was just the thing she needed after that accursed chat.

“Hey, guys.”

They looked up.

Shuuichi looked as if he’d just barely been able to stop what would otherwise have been a deadly explosion.

“I’m guessing you were looking up cursed memes late at night as well?”

“You… could say something like that, yes.”

“Wanna sit down?” Kaede asked. Keeping Maki and Kokichi’s interactions in line could be a daunting task.

He gave her a watery smile as he went to sit down on the couch next to her.

And so the cycle began anew.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

From there, things had gone very smoothly. Looking back on it, had had almost been a bit  _ too  _ smooth.

She, Kaito and Shuuichi had eventually moved to the kitchen, getting breakfast and continuing their light, easy conversation all the while. It was the type of quiet, peaceful morning that was almost mythical. The sunlight wasn’t attempting to kill anyone with intensity, the temperature was just right, and she was spending quality time with two out of the four most beloved people in her life.

What more could she have asked for?

Except for Maki and Kokichi to reveal themselves. They hadn’t emerged for hours, and at one point, Kaede was wondering if they’d really gone through with their threats to kill each other.

(She really hoped not.)

However, they both emerged after a few hours. And, surprisingly, they didn’t look as if they had been at each other’s throats. In fact, they had looked completely and utterly content. 

Even Kaito found that a bit strange. When asked, they said that something mutually beneficial had happened. There had been dead silence for a few minutes before they had been able to scrounge up the courage to ask what sort of “mutually beneficial” occurrence had happened.

Kokichi had pulled one of his signature disturbing smiles ad Maki got that particular look on her face that never failed to make the person on the receiving end of it sweat bullets.

Shuuichi had been the one who had been able to steer the conversation in a less terrifying direction. She and Kaito had agreed with that change wholeheartedly. On the rare occasions where they agreed on something so well that they didn’t have any remaining tension, it could either be exceptionally good or something that you definitely didn’t want to know.

Seeing what they had supposed to be planning… 

What the hell had they done with that hair gel?

Kaede’s little reminiscence session broke and she frowned. What  _ had  _ they done with the hair gel? What could they have decided to do with the hair gel which was either so brilliant or so shady that they didn’t want to say?

She hadn't been sure if she wanted to know what had happened or not, when she really pondered the question.

Anyway, after that small bump in the metaphorical road, the day had progressed… pretty nicely. She hadn’t had any unsure moments until it started getting late.

She could safely assume that if the hair gel was still in the house, it would be going within the week. SHe could also safely assume that it would be well-hidden until it was transported away.

But how would Kaito react when he found out it had gone missing?

Her heart had started racing at the thought, and she’d barely been able to maintain her composure. Around the time she’d thought of it, she’d found herself almost immediately wanting to put it off. 

Waiting for his reaction the next day would be better than obsessing over the different possibilities. They wouldn’t do much except make her afraid, and not only would that not do anything, but she also wouldn’t want to be the one who gave the plan away.

So she tucked away those fears at the time, and everything had been completely normal as the day wrapped up and they had eventually gone to bed.

Then she’d woken up this morning and the excitement had hit her like a sledgehammer. 

She’d practically hopped through her morning routine before rushing to the kitchen and finding something to drink. She would finally get to see what would happen! No hypothesis, no panicking, but the real deal!

She had known that her excitement must have been pretty childish, but she hadn’t been able to help herself.

And then the events of that had happened earlier that day… 

Well.

What.

An.

_ Experience _ .

_**That**._

Had. 

Been.

In comparison to most of her life, this morning alone was like a car veering wildly off-course after it had otherwise been going at a slow, steady pace. Then it careened around, shaking as if it would fall apart at any second, before managing to stabilize itself and getting back on the road.

After they’d got back into their apartment after the window-escape, with groceries and all, things had escalated yet again. Luckily, it had been within normal parameters (if Mario Kart feuds could be considered normal), and she’d woken up from a nap a few minutes ago.

Just thinking of what had happened today… 

It still seemed blissfully surreal. And yet, it had happened, and she had the cursed Discord chat as a record to prove it, as well as her own memories. She couldn’t help the brief laughter that overtook her for a few seconds.

Who knew that reading words on a screen could make someone feel so exhausted? A combination of cursed seme-speak plus mild physical tiredness could do wonders on a person’s attitude and tolerance, apparently.

Whatever the case may be, she’d survived.

She stretched, yawning a bit before sitting up.

Sniffing the air a bit, she could smell something that was definitely tasty. So the others had started making lunch already? It had been a good idea to buy groceries as a cover-up after all.

She might as well get up now, at the promise of food. That, and there was a chance that things could be getting out of hand. Apart from that, she hoped that she might be able to help a little bit with the cooking process.

It was time for productivity once again!


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Maki couldn’t help but feel content as she finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher. The meal had been both delicious and satisfying. The satisfaction came from the fact that not only was the food good, but the fact that hr process of making it had been… rather enjoyable.

Most people would think that having five people in the kitchen would make it very difficult to cook if it wasn’t in a professional setting, but a combination of time and trial and error had taught them how to work together as best as they could and as efficiently as possible without casualties.

(Casualties of both the food and human variety.)

Luckily, things had been a little less chaotic than usual. However, there had been a few close calls.

Trying to look at the glorious sight of your boyfriend with his hair down (for once in his life) while trying to cook, without screwing up the process of cooking, were two tasks that, apparently, could not be done simultaneously. It had been a miracle that nothing had either gotten burned, incorrectly measured or incorrectly seasoned.

Fate seemed to be on their side, for once. 

It might have been simple coincidence, or even luck, but as one person go distracted, someone else was able to make sure the meal wasn’t ruined. In some cases, Kaito himself had been the one to make sure the food remained alright, and those particular cases had caused a mixture of humor and envy.

For the humor part, it was funny that their object of distraction was the one who managed to help them avoid negatively impacting the food. 

On the other hand, even if they had screwed up, they were the ones who got to see a close-up of Kaito’s appearance.

And god damn, Kaito really did look good with his hair down.

Kaito’s hair went down to the middle of his neck and looked thick, soft and silky. Maki could barely resist the urge to run her hair through it when she saw it, and she was sure that she wasn’t the only one who felt that way, and it made the entire little scheme she and Kokichi had cooked up entirely worth it.

(It was also a joking assumption, but she imagined that his hair felt a relieved that it wasn’t covered in hair gel. Looking at the sheer quantity of hair gel in Kaito’s room had… been quite the experience. Maki definitely didn’t want to calculate how much gel he had to use each day in order to get his normal, gravity-defying hairstyle. It was both an awe-inspiring and fear-inducing thought.)

(Maybe it had been a stroke of good luck that they’d noticed the hair gel problem after all…)

Whatever the case, she was sure that when she got back to the living room, Kaito would be swarmed with everyone else trying to touch his hair, or just generally cuddling him. 

Something similar to that had happened when she’d been - momentarily - convinced to put her hair in a ponytail instead of pigtails. Her hair had become the attraction of the hour, or rather, the attraction of the week. 

She now alternated between wearing it in pigtails and wearing a ponytail It depended on what she happened to be doing on the day: less outdoorsy days would be pigtails and more active ones would be the days where she wore her hair up in a ponytail.

However, unlike Kaito, there had been no reason to eliminate her scrunchies. His hair gel, however, definitely had to go.

Permanently.

Or, at the bare minimum, for the next two to four weeks.

A sly grin crept onto her face at that. At the very least, someone else would have the entire house preoccupied with their hair for almost no reason at all except for donning a different hairstyle.

Except, this time would be a much more long-lasting and sensational occasion.

Not only that, but she’d finally get to understand why people seemed to like admiring other people’s hair so much. It would be a new experience, that was for sure.

She double-checked to see that everything was in its proper place and let the dishwasher run. It was time to see how the situation was going and to - hopefully - join in.

She strolled into the living room, and couldn’t help the smile that came over her face. 

Kaito was getting absolutely  _ smothered _ by everyone else. Nobody seemed to be able to keep their hands away from it, and Kokichi was keeping a stream of back-to-back compliments about how soft and silky it felt. Kaede and Shuuichi seemed too busy playing around with it to comment, ironically enough. 

Kaito turned to her, bemusement clear as day in his expression.

“I’m not going to be seeing my hair gel for a while, huh?” he asked.

“Nope.” She didn’t bother hiding her smile. It was a simple fact, after all. 

“Is this why you were all acting strangely yesterday?”

She nodded.

“...do I  _ want _ to know what you did with my hair gel?”

“It’s still in the house.”

“Not for long, I’m assuming.”

“You assumed correctly.”

“What are you planning to do with it?”

“Sell it, of course.”

“How would you manage that?”

“So you  _ know  _ how excessive your little collection is!” Kokichi broke in, looking at Kaito a little accusingly.

“It’s not  _ that  _ excessive.”

“That's what all addicts say!”

“Have you  _ seen _ your scarf collection!”

“Hey! At least they’re functional! Have you seen Maki’s  _ scrunchie _ collection?”

Maki did  **not** like the tone of that.

“They're in different shades of red, Kokichi. The difference is in the shade of red. Contrary to what your untrained eyes may believe, there is a  _ spectrum _ of color in my scrunchies.”

“Yes, the spectrum whose difference is made up of nearly impossible to differentiate shades of the same color? difference of how few pigments? Such a collection says wonders about your behavior sometimes.” The way Kokichi said that last sentence was a but too bright for Maki not to be suspicious of. 

“That’s why people say I have an eye for detail. I can pick out details that most people would ordinarily miss.  _ Your _ preferred scarf pattern is the exact same thing with no variation.”   
  


“It’s the sentimental value that counts!”

“Do we even want to know what sort of sentimental value that could hold?”

“ _ That _ depends on if you know why someone would be so eager to buy all that hair gel with little to no explanation!”

“I may not know why the person wanted the hair gel so badly, but I can guess that it has a small chance of being ridiculous.”

“If not illegal.”

“Wait, what? How can hair gel be considered illegal?” Kaito was… definitely confused at this point.

“He has a point,” Kaede broke in. “Hair gel is completely harmless; why and how would it be used for illegal purposes?”

“There are lots of innocent things which could be used for nefarious purposes,” Shuuichi piped up. “I wouldn’t be surprised if seemingly random things get touted as dangerous. Chances are, they usually are very threatening in the right hands.”

“But still,” Kaito said. “Hair gel? Dangerous? I mean, sure, the ones with too much alcohol in then could damage the scalp, but apart from that…”

“People can make shanks with toothbrushes,” Maki said. “Now think of most normal, supposedly danger-free items and see those as benign again.”

The atmosphere in the room seemed to flip one hundred and eighty degrees as soon as Maki had finished speaking.

“How did you know that?” Kaede asked.

“You don’t want to know.”

“That just makes me more worried!”

“Have you heard half of the things that come out of Kokichi’s mouth on a regular basis?”

“I’m worried about both of you! ”

“Who isn’t at this point, really?”

“Well, the both of you don’t seem to be worried about yourselves!”

And from there, the conversation crashed, burned, and somehow kept on running. She was a bit sad that she hadn't gotten to play around with Kaito's hair yet. 

But she was guessing that he'd like a little respite. 

For now, anyway. 

Nobody would be able to stop her tomorrow if she had anything to say about it. 

**_Nobody._ **


End file.
